I have been extremely busy.
Between work, still receiving packages from Texas, entertaining old friends and making new ones, I haven’t had a chance to just sit in from of the computer and write.
For the past few weeks, I have received an overwhelming amount of messages/texts/emails about moving or doing something that’s out of the ordinary.
“I have a dream to move, too. I just don’t know how or what to do. I don’t think I can do it..”
Here’s a secret: You can do it. Stop wishing you could and just make it happen. It’s not going to be easy, and parts of it might not be fun, but it’s worth it.
I moved out here with minimal planning.. very foolish of me. Most of my stuff is still in Dallas/Fort Worth. My mom says it feels like I’m on vacation, because my room is still littered with clothing, knick-knacks, pillows, shoes, DVDs, books and much more. The story of how I moved is probably the worst example of how to do it. But it’s a hard case of shoulda, coulda, woulda.
So, don’t follow in my footsteps, because to this day I’m still working out the kinks. I have to figure out how to get my warm-weather clothes here and I also don’t have a TV. There are tons of things people don’t think about when moving to a new city, including myself.
It’s not going to be easy
Looking at other people’s Facebooks and Instagrams that capture their journeys about moving to a different city/state/country is one of the worst things to do. People post the best highlights of their lives on social media platforms. They don’t post pictures of their account balances or those bouts of homesickness. Don’t compare yourself to them, because you are not getting the full story that way. We all filter some parts of our stories, especially when we post it online.
Let me tell you right now. You’re going to find yourself upset more times than one while you transition, and it’s completely normal. I have wanted to give up and move back with my mother more times than one. I call my aunts, uncles and dad every single week for a boost in confidence. I can’t tell you how many times I doubt myself in whether or not I made the right decision or whether or not its worth the money to be living here.
Unless you come from a family of millionaires, and unless your parents pay for everything, you are going to struggle. This is exactly what my family warned me about– life is not easy. That is the beauty of your journey. You’ll have interesting stories to tell, and if it doesn’t work out, you can always go back and regroup.
It’s going to be expensive
If you know me, I always complain about money. After shopping for business attire with my mom and aunt one weekend, my aunt told me, “I don’t like shopping with you. It’s not fun anymore..” Sure, I laughed. But it’s true. The first thing I ask is “how much?” If I can get it somewhere else for a cheaper price, you bet your bottom I will not purchase it.
If you plan on moving to a new, expensive city, prepare yourself for sticker shock syndrome! (I’m currently suffering from this) It is probably the harshest reality of actually achieving your dream. They tell me the first year is the most expensive. Start budgeting now. If you don’t budget at all, you better start. I strongly suggest you subscribe to Mint or LearnVest to help you get you started. Get control of your finances as soon as possible, because let me tell you… losing sleep over money is painful and not worth it.
Learn how to be independent…now!
This is a big one! If you don’t know how to be independent at home, how on earth do you expect to be independent in an entirely new city? If you don’t know how to pay a bill, do a load of laundry or cook something other than a cup of noodles, then it’s time to start learning. Don’t get me wrong, I need my family’s help from time to time on things such as choosing the right health insurance plan and filing my taxes, but at some point… you have to cut the cord.
Supporting yourself is just one of the basics of independence. Being in a new city where you know no one forces you to do things by yourself. If you’re not comfortable with having dinner alone or exploring a new city by yourself, your transition will be difficult. Nothing is more depressing than always being home because you haven’t met any new friends yet. Join clubs, go to fun events, do anything to meet new people and get acquainted with your new city. Being busy helps keep the homesickness away!
You need to be tough
The North is brutal. Moving is brutal. Being alone is brutal. If this is something you really want, you’re going to have to start growing a good-sized pair of you know what. People will try to undermine you and your plans. You will always find someone who is in the same situation doing much better than you. As my mother always says, “that’s life!” Learn to brush things off (I’m still learning). Get a tough skin and stick through it.
Sure, I always try to come off as tough. But I’ve welled up with tears at work one day because I got really homesick. I called my mom in the middle of the night because I felt like I made a mistake. It’s going to happen, but knowing that it’s only a temporary feeling is the key to being strong.
The more you doubt yourself, the more you start believing it! So be honest with yourself, really assess whether or not you’re ready. If you’re ready, then do it! Nothing and no one should be stopping you. If someone is trying to get you to change your mind, it’s time to get rid of them. Get rid of those negative people, they’re just going to bring you down to their level.
Only you know what you are capable of. For me, it took an abusive job and a monotonous life to realize I wanted more. I complained all the time. Finally, enough was enough. I was done. I was done with making excuses, and I just booked that one-way flight.
Drop me a line if you have any questions or comments! I’d love to hear them. Until next time!